Hedonia

The Eatsdropper is all aTwitter

In retrospect, I should have known that Twitter was the optimal place to troll for Eatsdroppings. Every submission in today's roundup was either posted on Twitter or sent to me by a fellow Twitterer. You can still send me your items at eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com, or tweet them yourself. Just make sure I'm following you, ok?

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Guy with big slab of bacon, into cell:
    "No, I'm at Walmart. I'm not lying to you. I'm getting bacon. Come on baby, don't be like that."

- Eatsdropped by Karina at Walmart      

Karina: "Um, probiotics yogurt starter?"
Snotty boy staffer: (Sniffs in disdain and annoyance) "We don't have anything like that!"

- Eatsdropped by Karina at Whole Foods

Woman, early 40s, speaking to another woman:
    "It's that time of year when I buy a rosemary plant just so I can kill it."

- Eatsdropped by Lisa at the farmers market

Oakland Hills MILF, after being given the lambic by her preciously gay attorney colleague:
    "Oooh, this lambic tastes like a beer wine cooler."

- Eatsdropped by Fatemeh at The Trappist

Woman #1: "What do you want for lunch?  We could do dim sum."
Woman #2: "What's dim sum?"
Woman #1: "Oh, it's tapas."

- Eatsdropped by Allen at Safeway

The Eatsdropper wouldn't know arugula from Aunt Sylvia

A small change some regular visitors may have noticed: In the upper right corner, I've added a Twitter feed. So if you want to know what I and some 50 other food bloggers and other associates are doing right now, you can have almost psychic insight into our quotidian comings and goings. Speaking of psychic insight, keep sending me other people's inane natter to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Small fry to her similiarily sized friend: "Do you like salad? Yes or no."

- Eatsdropped by Suzie at Plaza Grill at the Sonoma Cheese Factory

Middle aged woman to waiter/bartender when presented with coffee in a silver French press:
    "How are you supposed to tell that it's ready?"

Waiter/bartender laughing to Middle Age Man to after his obviously drunk girlfriend went to the restroom:
    "Whattya think? Should we get her liquored up?"

Same couple moments later, man to date:
    "I'll get the Chimay Rouge. Then I can cross it off my list."

- All eatsdropped by Suzie at Ad Hoc

Man: "I didn't realize that when you eat oysters, they're still alive!"

-- Eatsdropped by Anita in front of the outdoor Hog Island stand at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

Customer at condiment station, to barista: "Do you have any skim milk?"
Barista: "Sure. Isn't there any out there?"
Customer: "No, all there is is non-fat."

- Eatsdropped by Anita at Peet's Coffee

Guy, to female cohort, in a narrow window of time when he was not on cell phone:
    "I usually get the torta. It's like a burrito between two slices of bread."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Tacos San Buena

40s-ish man: "I wouldn't know arugula from Aunt Sylvia"

- Eatsdropped by Jen at the Marin Farmers Market

Woman, unclear on the taqueria concept, faced with line flowing out the door:
    "Where's the line to put your name in for a table?"
Then, on phone with friend:
    "So this place isn't a restaurant. I mean, it is, but it's the kind of place where you order food at a counter and then get a table if there is one."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Papalote

The Eatsdropper drinks wine at home

Omigod, guess what? I have a blog! Yeah, I know, I wasn't aware of it either, evidently. Luckily a couple cohorts and I still have eagle ears for other people's silly utterings. Granted, I've been sitting on some of these for, oh, three months, but hey, they're still pretty fresh. And I'll make you a promise -- if you keep sending me goodies like this, I'll keep posting them on my blog. Whatever that is.

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Coworker: "I've never ordered from McDonalds, but it just sounds like a child's dream."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly  in our New York office

Friend: "Last week it was so cold and rainy that I almost debased myself and
bought canned soup!"

- Eatsdropped by Tea

Winery employee to wine-tasting customers:
    "So, do you guys drink wine at home?"

Non-drinking Mom to wine-tasting offspring:
    "Hmph. They need a bigger gift shop for people who don't drink wine."

- Both (separately) eatsdropped by Anita at Cosentino Winery

Blonde 1: "This friend of mine has her own business and a new baby, and it just exploded over the holidays."
Blonde 2: "The baby?"

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Il Fornaio

The Eatsdropper puts the kielbasa on that

It pains me to think that it's been over a month (!) since I've posted anything. I'd give you the usual rigmarole and litany of excuses, but you don't want to hear it, do you? Suffice to say that I intend to get back on it soon -- thanks in no small part to Ilva for kicking me in the patootie by tagging me on a meme to write about a favorite braise. Now, I've always been a braisin' hussy, and I have just the thing up my sleeve, so stay tuned.

In other news, I've just started a new batch of olives, and it's almost time to bring back the gayest Christmas tree ever. Sunrise, sunset, and all that.

Meanwhile, enjoy this installment of Eatsdropper, and keep sending 'em in to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Pompous, flamboyant government lackey:
    "We're working with the senate to put the kielbasa on that."

- Eatsdropped by Anita at Grace in West Hollywood

Woman, turning to friends: "There's no Starbucks."
Three friends, incredulously: "No Starbucks?!?!"

- Eatsdropped by yours truly in the SFO international terminal

Woman on cell: "Shit, girl, I don't even dance with my husband like that!"

- Eatsdropped by Alex at the Oakland Farmers Market

Flustered mother of two:
    "God! The next time we come shopping for pyjamas I'm bringing a flask of booze!"

- Eatsdropped by Rebecca at IKEA

Manager: "[Beaujolais] nouveau is like sleeping with a minor. It's the pedophile of wines."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Plumpjack Wines

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One year ago today ... "You know when that woman in the Saran dress feeds you grapes on a skewer, then pierces her dress with the skewer? It's like that."

The Eatsdropper has the third sense

Still swamped, still dreaming of that dinner party we had almost two months ago. Between crazy work projects and trips to San Diego, Palm Springs, Chicago and Orange County, we've barely had time to breathe, much less cook or (heavens forfend) entertain. That said, we did manage to squeeze in one wee dinner party to celebrate the waning days of summer, and had one notable success: A soup-slash-aperitif made from heirloom tomato water, muddled basil, chipotle vodka, Vya sweet vermouth and a drool of very good olive oil. Maybe next year I'll give it a proper writeup.

Lucky for me, there are still plenty of people with good ears (or bad boundaries) out there willing to share their overheard goods with me. Won't you be my nosy neighbor? Send in your tidbits in to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Two young women waiting to be seated
Woman 1: What if that's our table?
(Hostess seats another couple instead)
Woman 2: I knew it wasn't. I always have third sense.

- Eatsdropped by Anita at Downtown

Woman ordering focaccia at a farmer's market:
    "I'll have a fellatio, please."

- Eatsdropped by Barb at their booth

Woman explaining her tasting selection method:
    "I like the ones in the blue bottles. The blue bottles don't disappoint."

- Eatsdropped by Camper at the Joy of Sake event

Unseen diner, being seated in a dark dining room:
    "I feel like I should be fastening a seatbelt."

- Eatsdropped by Laurie at the Dark Dining event at Fort Mason

Woman looking over a brunch menu containing both Asian and Western items:
    "So, at night they mainly serve Vietnamese?"
Man, grinning:
    "Oh, I'm pretty sure they'll serve anyone."

-- Eatsdropped by Anita at Monsoon in Seattle

The Eatsdropper honestly is just not interested

Greetings from oven-hot Palm Springs, where I've been cowering in the shade for the past five days. The Wi-Fi has been patchy to say the least, so I've made a real vacation of it, hence the interruption in posting. We will resume the previously scheduled dinner party upon my return. Meanwhile, keep sending in your hot stuff to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

A couple of today's items are funny for the same reason, and may take a beat to sink in. The mortadella comment reminded me of a Travel Channel special on Torino just before the last winter Olympics. Hosted by the oh-so-eloquent Jonny Moseley, he actually remarked that people come to Torino to see the Shroud of Turin "because Torino is Italian for Turin." Ouch.

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Sign at a vendor: "Yellow haricots verts"

- Eatspotted by Anita at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

Woman walking down street, talking on cell phone, making dinner plans:
"Well, I could make a salad"
... pause ...
Woman: "We do have a tomato [accusingly] unless you ate that too."
3 blocks later, same woman: "Wait!! Do you want Subway??"
... pause ...
Woman: "Fine. Then you cook."

- Eatsdropped by Erin on Broadway in New York

Woman, eating from a plate of chicken:
    "Do you want to try my breast?"
Man across the table, apathetically:
    "Honestly, I'm just not interested."

- Eatsdropped by Robin at 90 Main Restaurant in New Hope

Customer, pointing toward sign: "What's mortadella?"
Deli worker: "It's like Italian baloney."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at RJ's Market

Younger kid: "What's the difference between young coconut and coconut?"
Older kid: "I dunno, I guess the older ones are bigger."
Younger kid: "Why don't they just let them all get bigger? Then they'd have more!"

- Eatsdropped by Anita at Mitchell's Ice Cream

Linda: "Shelley, do you have any more salsa?"
Shelley: "Yeah, it's in the ... uh ... dishwasher."
Linda: "Wha...?"

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at my friends Shelley and Ann's house in Palm Springs

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One year ago today ... Pizza: Leftovers velcro

The Eatsdropper wants it tempura-ized

I mean, really, isn't everything better tempura-ized? Keep sending in your flash-fried tidbits to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Manager, setting a plate of pasta in front of woman diner with a flourish:
    "Your tag-li-a-tell"
Woman, wide-eyed, waits until he is out of earshot and whispers to her dining partner:
    "I don't think he said that right."

- Eatsdropped by Sam at Zuppa

Jewish BLT eater: "I stabbed my lip with a piece of bacon today. It was so biblical."

- Eatsdropped by Shelly in her home

Diner, to server, pointing to item on menu: "Can you tempura-ize that?"

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Eiji

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One year ago today ... I confessed my infidelity to you. But don't worry. It's over between us now.

The Eatsdropper has to meet Nana for Shake-N-Bake

You know the drill -- keep those overheard items coming to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Little Girl: "Mom, why are they called beefsteak tomatoes?"
Mom: "Because they're the eggs laid by cows."
Little Girl: "Nuh-uh!" *pause* "Really?"
Mom: "Yes, now put away that sugar cereal and grab the oatmeal. We have to meet Nana for Shake-N-Bake."

- Eatsdropped by Garrett at Save Mart

Man enters, eyeing the pork cuts available.
Dave Evans (farmer):  "Would you like a cut?"
Customer: "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

- Eatsdropped by Jen at Marin Sun Farms booth

Girlfriend, tasked with getting the largest free-range roaster, after being shown a gigantic 8-1/2 pound bird:
    "Do you have anything bigger than this?"
Meat counter guy (deadpan):
    "Yeah, they're called turkeys."

- Eatsdropped by Bruce at New Seasons Market (Portland, OR)

Man, speaking to two female companions:
    "That funkiness is the reason I like Pinot Noir. Some wines are just so pretty."

- Eatsdropped by Tea at Della Fattoria Cafe's Friday night dinner

Scraggly guy walking along sidewalk, to diner at outside table: "Excuse me, man, what day is today -- Tuesday? Wednesday? Friday?"
Diner: "Monday."
Guy: "Monday...?"

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at Cafe deStijl

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One year ago today ... stupa dupa!

The Eatsdropper doesn't want a bag

This week's Eatsdropper kicks off with an exchange I witnessed personally between Sam and Nick Atallah of Madison Growers at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market. (Sam wins extra points for being a source of three separate Eatsdroppers today!) It was such an astonishing volley that left us both rather stunned at first. We had coincidentally bumped into each other at the stand, where I had just purchased four wee basil plants in 4" pots. Sam innocently tried to purchase one plant of her own, and wackiness ensued:

Mr. Atallah: "Here, have a [plastic] bag."
Sam: "No thank you, I don't want a bag."
Mr. Atallah: "You have to take a bag."
Sam: "No, I don't."
Mr. Atallah: "You can't buy it if you don't take a bag."
Sam (putting the basil back on the table): "OK, I won't buy it then."
Mr. Atallah: "I don't want to be held responsible for messing you up, with the dirt on the pot."
Sam: "I think that's my choice."
Mr. Atallah: "No, it's not."

Geez, mister, sell the nice girl some basil, why dontcha? Anyway, on with the rest of this week's droppers. As always, send in your tidbits to eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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At a special infused vodka tasting referring to sandalwood:
"It's like you got in a car crash with a log in your face"

- Eatsdropped by Sam in the VIP lounge at Hangar One Vodka

A young boy at the St. Benoît stand, explaining to his mum:
"Please. Can I have one? This tastes like real strawberries, not like that fake strawberry taste in other yogurts."

- Eatsdropped by Sam at Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

Young woman in a party of four ladies to bartender: "I'd like a cosmo, but light on the cranberry juice."
Older woman: "We're cosmo connoisseurs."
Bartender: "So, bubblegum pink, right?"
Young woman: "Huh?"
Older woman: "Don't worry, honey. He makes 'em good."
Bartender (deadpan): "Connoisseurs, indeed."

- Eatsdropped by Cameron at Babbo

Buffed-up, visibly muscled guy on his cell phone:
"I eat 16 eggs a day; eight in the morning and eight before bed. Do you know how much a dozen eggs cost?"

- Eatsdropped by Cranky at Starbucks in Northgate Mall

Customer: "I'll have the #34 noodle dish, but can I have real shrimp instead of the dried shrimp?"
Waitress: "Uh, sorry, we can't do that."
Customer: "Why not? What's the difference?"
Waitress: "About $10 a pound."

- Eatsdropped by Mary at King of Thai Noodle

Nigel Walker, owner of Eatwell Farm:
"Have you seen my YouTube channel?"

- Eatsdropped by Jen at Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

Girl, to guy: "What I don't like about some goat cheese is the sort of goatiness..."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

The Eatsdropper wants a smarge

It must be summer, cuz there's been a huge harvest of Eatsdroppings lately. Serve them forth at eatsdropper-at-seantimberlake-dot-com.

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Woman #1: "Oh, look at those blueberries!  I love blueberries right now!"
Woman #2: "Well, sure blueberries taste good, but you eat them for the anti-oxidants more than anything."
Woman #1: "Right."

- Eatsdropped by Jeanne at Marin Farmers Market

Customer, pointing to sunflowers: "What do people usually do with these?"
Vendor: "Put them in a vase."

- Eatsdropped by Jen and Cookiecrumb at the Marin Farmers Market

Customer, at Frog Hollow Farms stand:
"This is that place where they make these Peach Pies with, like ... you  know ... peaches."

- Eatsdropped by David at Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

One woman to another: "Hey, I'm going to get some coffee while we wait. Do you want anything?"
Second woman: "Sure! Can you get me a small coffee, but in a large cup? I like a lot of milk in my coffee."
First woman: "Oh, you want a smarge!"
Second woman: "Huh?"
First woman: "A smarge! A small in a large cup! Get it? (shrugs) Well. That's what we call it where I come from."

- Eatsdropped by Jennifer at SFO departures lounge

Girl: "We could go to the Fortune Cookie Factory."
Guy: "Can we see the fortune writers?"
Girl: "I'm pretty sure those are imported."
Guy: "They outsource the fortune-writing?"
Girl: "Well, if they don't, then there's no reason for why the fortunes don't make any sense."

- Eatsdropped by Eric on an outbound 1 California bus.

Exasperated man, to woman: “Do you want to spend our LAST day in Seattle in a BAKERY?”

- Eatsdropped by Matthew on 15th Ave East, Seattle (reproduced with permission)

Man, standing by apples: "What kind?"
His wife, across the aisle: "Oh, just pick something. (pause) Just not green, yellow, or red."

- Eatsdropped by Anita at Tower Market

My friend Matthew: "All dogs' paws smell like Fritos."

- Eatsdropped by yours truly at my house.